this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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