why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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