I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
