VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
