I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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