the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
