She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't put those talents on a resume
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
