haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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