somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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