drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
