I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
