Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
