How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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