i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
