I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize