He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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