that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
the raccoons are back...
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