i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
