I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
