I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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