Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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