i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
