i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
