Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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