you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
