I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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