Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
