My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
only you would photoshop your dick
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
