Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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