i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
