so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize