My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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