dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
