drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
