i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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