I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
