after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize