The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
