you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize