So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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