you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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