If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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