I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
