ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
