I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
