I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
