if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
