I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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