Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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