so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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