No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
