my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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