Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So many bounce houses so little time
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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