I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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