She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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