My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
