good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
