is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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