It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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