Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
