Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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