I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
