I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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