My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
