Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
