My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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