the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
