You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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