He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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