You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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