You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Did I show you my penis last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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