2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You made out with two different species that night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
