I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
