I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
