Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
