Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
