This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
