I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
