On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
