I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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