dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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