I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
