I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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