I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
