Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize