You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
