Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
