They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
