And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
