Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
