apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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