I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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