Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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