Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you win again, gameday.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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