You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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