omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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