She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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