Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
