and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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