I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
