you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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