Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
