Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
