Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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