He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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