We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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